Q.
I am a divorced single parent. I'm having so much trouble raising my son. I tend to give him everything he wants because of the guilt of his being a victim of a broken home. His father does the same thing and I feel as though we are competing for our son's affection so as not to lose him. I am very afraid that we may be hurting him more than helping.

Confused

A.
Dear Confused, The main ingredient in raising a child properly is plenty of love. That means paying attention to the needs of the child and giving him or her what is best for their development socially, emotionaly, physically, and spiritually. Don't worry about losing their affections. Just remember that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never fails. A few days ago I was at the nursery discussing with the gardener problems I was having concerning the azaleas. "A recently acquired beautiful azalea tree had just plumb given up on life and expired", I explained. "When I first made the purchase and had it planted at the edge of the Japanese garden, it was filled with gorgeous healthy looking flowers and buds. Within three months it had dried up and died". The owner of the nursery smiled at me and asked, "Do you know what azalea means"? No I responded. "It means dry and it flourishes in a desert like environment", He informed me. "Too much water and it dies". Wouldn't you know, our sprinkler system is on an automatic timer and the azaleas were getting drenched every morning. Adolescents are much the same. Children are like young tender plants. There are those I knew as kids, now adults, who are evidence of it. Some received too much sunshine. Their parents tried to shield them from disappointments. They never had to work to overcome adversities in life. I supposed 'spoiled' is the word that immediately comes to mind. For them, having had it too easy left them unprepared for the harsh lessons life teaches. Today, many of them are emotionally and socially immature while at the same time, spiritually dry. Other children I saw received only a fair share of sunlight and water, yet they survived. They seemed to have gotten just the right amount of each. Maybe these are like the azaleas. I have friends like that today. When they were kids they declared, "Somehow, I'm going to make it!". And they did. No one told them they couldn't. They graduated from the school of hard knocks. Problems were a regular part of their curriculum.But they were able to pass life with flying colors.